Average white friends

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How many empty cans have I left behind – pyramids of brandnames
I was your sister                                                                                            sorority troll
I was drunk peeing in the corner plagiarizing bandaids
of Xanax blisters                                                                                           Philly superbowl
How many empty bottles have I left behind – average white friends
whose lies I swallowed to ease the pain
the whole is torn in the stomach the headache never ends
I’ve played the song to the last refrain.

How many empty souls have I left behind – addicted to their loss
I’m beyond
I can travel to your empty places for me it has no cost
across the pond
they say I’m lucky to see you but you are desolate – you are frost
attractions gone
you have died you have spoke to me in your tongue I am deaf I am  lost
countdown to none
How many ounces,
how many pills,
how many stories,
how many kills?

 

 

 

 

 

I master write

I hide the poems I write in sock drawers
under
cum socks                     and drugs
on hotel room walls
behind paintings, under rugs
Like DNA in the sheets in the sink and the tub
I wrote a thesis on napkins left at the bar and the club

I have read what was said
by my idols all dead
they passed on
left words like Jawn
that changed my life with one thread

Have my words been read would I even care?
I imagine the Spanish maid there
finding notes
that I wrote
stands crying in the hall
but she cant read this
its in English
thoughts dropped they fall

so someone asked me
cut down this old tree
shed the bark show the rings
show its age and dark things
stop throwing away
words you say
like spilled semen you tossed
all those words that were lost
washed away down the drain
just one seed could have changed
born a human a writer a lonely old maid

so I gave it a go
gripping my pen til it explodes
spilling ink into prose
my eyes pull to the back of my head
the words building up I picture her spread
til the cap pops off ink blots shoot like lead
the new black Rorschach that cannot be read

and more regret than relief
as I drift off to sleep
with my pen in my hand
softening from stone to sand

 

 

Harley Davidson

Of all the friends and I’ve lost them all
the one I miss the most is sanity
it was my decision to block his calls
there stand naked I without his profanity

I am the truth that didn’t come dream
holding a pen whose sorrow is ink
not sure the order to follow with words
a chewed cap godless I follow the herd

you swallowed that cubicle future
that bathroom stall
like so many you were sold a prison
when your heart died blood stopped in those walls
silenced heart the soundless incision

I can’t stop now in any one place
the Earth she breathes white cells get replaced
I swim the oceans looking for seas
standing still is what kills It was yours that disease

Even empty clouds do block out the sun
have their place in the world like the way that I run
it seems no point that they sometimes carry no rain
more than shade in their rivers wet tombstones and pain

like I who carry around this black book with your words its
pages my heart

my mind

my shadow

my hurt

 

 

 

Just feed the cat

The meows kept we awake insane
for days
Cried away the meaning of the stain
her ways
Like the words spinning useless brain
sounding as empty as your complaints

Priceless humor is born from disdain
I awake to let it in but it runs away
eyes let in darkness it begins again
stare at the ceiling anger remains

tiny paws scratch at the door
I’m guilty you’re hungry I sleep no more
If I just write it down it feeds the sores
so I can rest this soul complete the chore

 

 

 

 

Blanca

EnEspana

White to begin with,  the day
carefree as it
as it turned to rain
en España el graffiti es inglés
as unclean as concrete corroded by the pain

what with her departure,  to grey
on a breeze I flit
that she’d burn away
In Spain the beauty finds ingress
she slipped demoted. fell to her knees a refrain

 

I will run with the tides
[be careful what you may find]
in these clouds no sun will rise
[be wary and read the signs]
within the rain I find a cleaner mind
[the pills are made by design]
anxiety is from what might
be left behind

What we try to see
in the dousing we remove
Our bred identities.   as she
Teaches me to bleed

 

Swissplexia

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He parked the plexi against the wall
finish up for now tired bones hear the call
weary travel wretched hours born to feel fallow
pucker up sucker punch smells of work darker shadow
blistered feet inherit meek slow refrain objective swallowed

once forgot drinks submit empty glass socks to wall
trying sleep the earth competes walk alone darkness falls
toss and turn feel the burn blankets torn pillow shallow
drying eyes sand alike pity alone memory shadow
buzzer snooze sweating booze advil morning sockets hollowed