The stranger

It is because when I first meet you, I already wonder when you will turn on me

It is because I can’t understand your language that  I tune you out and ignore you , even when I am home

It is because after a few days, you are not unfamiliar anymore but someone I have already met, someone who left or died. Or that I left behind

It is because you were never a stranger – so I never felt the need to say Hi.

It is why I am the stranger

I master write

I hide the poems I write in sock drawers
under
cum socks                     and drugs
on hotel room walls
behind paintings, under rugs
Like DNA in the sheets in the sink and the tub
I wrote a thesis on napkins left at the bar and the club

I have read what was said
by my idols all dead
they passed on
left words like Jawn
that changed my life with one thread

Have my words been read would I even care?
I imagine the Spanish maid there
finding notes
that I wrote
stands crying in the hall
but she cant read this
its in English
thoughts dropped they fall

so someone asked me
cut down this old tree
shed the bark show the rings
show its age and dark things
stop throwing away
words you say
like spilled semen you tossed
all those words that were lost
washed away down the drain
just one seed could have changed
born a human a writer a lonely old maid

so I gave it a go
gripping my pen til it explodes
spilling ink into prose
my eyes pull to the back of my head
the words building up I picture her spread
til the cap pops off ink blots shoot like lead
the new black Rorschach that cannot be read

and more regret than relief
as I drift off to sleep
with my pen in my hand
softening from stone to sand

 

 

Tempus Fugit

I fell in love in a graveyard
with your eyes painted blackmare
Taught me how women leave scars
sleep upside down fill with air

you hung from the tree
laughing and dancing with ghosts
gravestones the books that we read
and you kissed better than most

fell in love on a tombstone a slave
learned the nature of woman
with a moan on a grave
when you pulled me in than started the rain
you with worms in your teeth and mud in your veins

from that hilltop looking down on human streets
you made me an angel seeing them from above
taught me demons are bored alone eager and weak
of course vultures will feast on the death of a dove

I thought we could fly
high above all at night in your grasp
but you cum when you lie
and your wings spread and let go of the past

as you fell you cast me down all alone
amongst the walking forever I am different
lacking their hunger and bones
their colorful want and commitment
now I’ve wandered this world this side of the grass
left with unreadable washed away cold epitaphs

 

Harley Davidson

Of all the friends and I’ve lost them all
the one I miss the most is sanity
it was my decision to block his calls
there stand naked I without his profanity

I am the truth that didn’t come dream
holding a pen whose sorrow is ink
not sure the order to follow with words
a chewed cap godless I follow the herd

you swallowed that cubicle future
that bathroom stall
like so many you were sold a prison
when your heart died blood stopped in those walls
silenced heart the soundless incision

I can’t stop now in any one place
the Earth she breathes white cells get replaced
I swim the oceans looking for seas
standing still is what kills It was yours that disease

Even empty clouds do block out the sun
have their place in the world like the way that I run
it seems no point that they sometimes carry no rain
more than shade in their rivers wet tombstones and pain

like I who carry around this black book with your words its
pages my heart

my mind

my shadow

my hurt

 

 

 

Just feed the cat

The meows kept we awake insane
for days
Cried away the meaning of the stain
her ways
Like the words spinning useless brain
sounding as empty as your complaints

Priceless humor is born from disdain
I awake to let it in but it runs away
eyes let in darkness it begins again
stare at the ceiling anger remains

tiny paws scratch at the door
I’m guilty you’re hungry I sleep no more
If I just write it down it feeds the sores
so I can rest this soul complete the chore

 

 

 

 

Mind the Gap

Even as the ball is still in its plastic wrapper I feel that urge to play with it toss it kick It roll it bounce it “stop it!”

it reaches the edge of the table I jerk to block its fall that instance of adrenaline the pain the chair too far back the spiderwebs in your face the door closing on your hands are full you kick you reach retreat you don’t breathe for an instant you

what was it that word? held comforted in her skirt

Like words in my head I count with to ten
don’t let them drop don’t fall but begins the truth within
I stopped for them for they just go round and round and its dead again
around in my head again around and round no friends are them

delaying sleep
stopping dreams
the pain the chair the anxiety
the dreams of the blue sea
I kick the ball gently

“slower cuts tend to hurt?” I typed for love of my girl

Stuck in a crowd on a train
holding on everyone stinks of rain
there is the old man all alone surrounded by space
staring at something dear that look on his face
no on here speaks our language but its the eyes that talk anyway
the universal yet away
its silent
don’t make contact
the floor slippery
the iPhone whispery
its gone the eyes the word the dull pain it fell from the edge the table she is in the bed bouncing we play

trains whistle cars beep

I held back didn’t catch the wrapper holds the words that fall
no point to stop the train at all
the crash the sheltered limitless silent ball
the glances as gravity’s call
forced us together again
with this adrenaline
we were brand new strangers we may die friends
together as well we won’t bounce or trend
forget what words were in your head
don’t look now what was never said
we roll to the edge

her pain ends we forever sleep

 

 

 

 

 

Blanca

EnEspana

White to begin with,  the day
carefree as it
as it turned to rain
en España el graffiti es inglés
as unclean as concrete corroded by the sea

what with her departure,  to grey
on a breeze I flit
that she’d burn away
In Spain the beauty finds ingress
she slipped demoted. fell to her knees

I will run with the tides
[be careful what you may find]
in these clouds no sun will rise
[be wary and read the signs]
within the rain I find a cleaner mind
[the pills are made by design]
anxiety is from what might
might simply be

in the dousing we remove her white dress as she bleeds

#Spain #Blanca